Pressure and Resistance
Over the last few months, and years, I’ve discovered an interest in the creative process: what we make. Why? How? I am convinced that to succeed (I guess by that, I mean to achieve at least some of what you set out to do) it is as much about your mindset as it is about any sort of talent.
Recently, I have been thinking about resistance and pressure. When you’re making work, there can be a tendency to begin by thinking: this has got to be ‘it’; that it's got to be worthwhile time spent; that you want to make something successful. Before you’ve even started, it begins to build up pressure. Making work when you feel this way is impossible - what you actually want to do is curl up into a ball and hide.
Ahhh, I know this one so well! I seem to vacillate between periods of resistance and pressure that I create for myself and periods of intense work. I’m not sure there’s much I can do about really, but it hasn’t stopped me from wondering…
I bypass some of it by working intuitively, by which I mean, just making work, and letting it happen on the page, which kind of works. But the downside of it is that it can be hard to plan, or work in a very cohesive way, so you can end up going the long way around to get where you want to go. I’m lucky that I work pretty quickly, in short, productive bursts, so I will always be able to get the work done. But that period before I begin work - when I am feeling that pressure and resistance - is scary!
Recently, on a walk, I found myself wondering about what the words resistance and pressure actually represent. And it created this wonderful metaphorical picture of an actual balloon of fear, expectation, and tension, that sits between me and the work. It can really feel as though I'm there and I'm sort of pushing against this balloon and it’s squishing and squeaking and it's resisting me. I'm trying to get to my desk, but I can’t, and this balloon - that I’ve manifested - is sitting between me and the work. I circle my desk like an animal staking out a safe place to sleep…
It can be so hard to remove that pressure, but I accidentally discovered one way over the summer. During August I was recuperating from an operation, so I gave myself an out. I said: I don't need to make work for anything, there's no deadline, no internal deadline, and more importantly, I don't have to make anything productive.
So I just made art for the sake of it. If I was interested in the way a plant looked, I would pick up whatever material I had to hand, and doodle it. I grabbed materials that I have always wanted to get to grips with (like oil pastels) and played around with them. I bought some water-soluble oil pastels and had fun trying them out. I didn’t worry about anything looking finished or as a stand-alone piece, I just let them happen on the page. I guess this is not so different from working intuitively, but this felt extra freeing.
At the same time, I have recently had my first picture book commission, which is hugely exciting and I am thrilled! But there was always the chance that it could easily build up pressure about creating the work. But because I had taken some time off, that pressure was eased: I would find myself saying I'm just going to doodle a few pages, and by doing that, it felt a whole lot less terrifying, and I accidentally began work on the book!
I can’t show you anything I made for the book, unfortunately, but I have scattered a selection of drawings and experiments I made in my sketchbooks over that period in this post.
As a side note, isn’t that the wonderful thing about being an artist? Being able to look back and say this is something I physically made, that exists in the world. It’s a sort of self-expression, a way of making a stamp on earth and saying I exist.
There is a freedom to some of the work I made during that period, that is difficult to replicate, but I feel that it helped confirm something I was already beginning to recognise: that letting go of expectations is the key to making artwork, especially artwork that feels satisfying. More and more I have begun to see what I make as not one thing alone but as part of a body of work. So each piece I make is linked with everything else I have made. That they all link together. I am trying to let each piece inform my practice, rather than saying this needs to be great!
I’m not saying that resistance isn’t still there before I begin work, but it is alleviated by taking the pressure off before I begin. I have actually begun journaling before beginning for the day, and setting myself a goal to just experiment and see what happens, rather than saying I will get x done by the end of the day. Ultimately, I am beginning to believe that the only way to make work is to trick yourself into doing it! But heck, if it works, then I’m doing it!
I’d love to know if you feel about pressure? And what are your tricks for relieving it? Let me know in the comments below.
Love it, Ella! Pressure really dampens the joy of making. Sometimes I think it's unavoidable and we have to push through despite feeling pressure because of deadlines and commitments. It's helped me to accept that the process can feel miserable but it doesn't mean the art is necessarily worse. Alternating these moments with the more intuitive, expectation-free art making moments pushes me forward in my practice I think :)