An honest post about money (as an illustrator)
and a bonus sketchbook video!
Hello, and a Happy New Year’s Eve to you all!
I have written a few emails over December with apologies for the lack of meet-ups, so I wanted to start with a bit more about that on the very last day of December…
The long and the short of it is that I was just excessively busy this Autumn, culminating in a mad December, when I was so chock full of deadlines (and worried that I wouldn’t meet them) that I barely had time to message here explaining how busy I was, or at least, it felt that way.
Ok, why not? Here’s the long of it…1
Some of my long-term followers here (thank you so much to you, I appreciate you all so much!) who have been here for my whole journey from leaving work2, back in 2019 to do the MA in Children’s Book Illustration at Cambridge School of Art will know what a big change I have made in my life. I went from one of security, safety, and familiarity to one that was pretty much the opposite. I exchanged security for freedom, and with it came space to explore the dormant artist in me that I had put aside while I tried to adult my way into life. I had flexibility, choices, a chance to try new things, and most importantly a real chance to do what I had always dreamed I would be: an artist! And it has been amazing, truly. But… five and a half years in, half of that after the MA (wow, that is crazy to think!), I find myself facing a new reality that feels a lot more… real. When I left work in 2019, there was a hefty dose of close-your-eyes-and-jump energy to it, and plenty of radical optimism3. And I’ve sailed on that for the last few years, and I’ve been lucky to have had book/illustration commissions regularly since I graduated, and touch wood, they are continuing to come. And that has been so exciting!
But… there has been a reality to it that I have been facing recently, and that is, to put it bluntly, the struggle to make an actual living doing this, my dream job. Three years after graduating, the current tax year I am submitting is for less than half of what I was earning in my job. My earnings have been made up of 1/3 book advances, 1/3 teaching and 1/3 a mixture of my Substack paid subscribers, illustration fairs, selling work, and a few other bits and bobs. And I am expecting to make less this current tax year, because I’ve been so busy with paid illustration work (which I love) that I’ve had to cut back on the teaching, and basically everything else.
And there’s a ironic side-effect to the “success” I’ve had as an illustrator: I’ve been so busy, I’ve really neglected my socials (aka Instagram) which means I’ve sold way fewer prints/zines/etc and as a bonus side effect of that, it’s difficult not to feel a teensy bit…out of fashion/out of date. And it has affected my confidence on and off, which is kind of mad, because all I would want to get from Instagram “popularity” is paid illustration work. Is that ironic or a snake eating it’s tail kind of scenario? But you get what I mean I hope…
So, to bring it back to this quiet December, late this summer I was offered an illustration project which I really wanted to do, but I knew would be a squeeze because I am already in the middle of another (lovely, wonderful, and exciting) book project, and I had a fairly full autumn of teaching booked in. I ummed and erred and worried about it for a while. Then I did my sums and realised that if I didn’t do it, our money would effectively dry up by the end of the year. So I said yes. And it basically meant I had to become a hermit, put my blinkers on and stay-on-target4. I have managed to stay on schedule (more or less) with both books, and actually (am I allowed to say ironically again?!) I have really enjoyed working on the new project, and I’ve also loved working on the existing book project. And it’s also true that it is extremely far from the ideal way I would like to work on a book project. In some ways, I think it’s probably, on balance, a good thing to work within time parameters for a book, it stops me noodling, over-thinking, over-working etc etc… At the same time, there’s a reality to the fact that (apart from all the other things I’ve had to drop to fit it in) it also means
I worry a lot about letting people down. Seeing this hard deadline in the future makes me worried: what if I don’t finish in time and I let the publishers down and they never hire me again? This worry has made me on-and-off super stressed in a snake eating it’s tail (that again!) kind of way this autumn.
It means I don’t have time to play and explore, try things out, all of which I think is a crucial part of being a creative
If I want to repaint anything, I am scrabbling around to find the time to do it. Because I paint by hand, I invariably mess bits up, or feel dissatisfied with certain parts of my illustrations. And I am a perfectionist, and it’s almost physically painful not to be able to re-paint bits I want to. So I find the time, but it can be to the detriment to my health and wellbeing.
and finally, as I touched on above, it has not been good for my health, both physical and mental.
and ultimately, I have to let things go. This brings me back to my original point. Sometimes, this is probably for the best, and perhaps I wouldn’t improve it with more time or if I repainted. But I think, more importantly, feeling I have the time and space to have that option would be so nice. Perhaps I am asking too much? I don’t know what the answer is.
So, there you go, the long of it as well as the short of it. I have been doing a lot of thinking over this Christmas break, and I am making plans for how I can make some positive changes in 2025 which I am hoping will help release some of this. Long-time readers will know I’m a big fan of New Year energy - in fact, it has been super helpful to me in the past. I often talk about how helpful reflection has been for me, especially in my creative development. And a big part of setting new year goals for me is about reflecting back, rather than setting punishing and unrealistic targets and restrictions for myself, and so I am excited to spend January doing lots of reflecting and setting new intentions for myself - and with you, if you would like to join me. Last January I had a big New Year Spruce Up and I will do the same this year, so keep your eyes open for that.
I want to end with a few different things.
One:
THANK YOU to all of you who have supported me along the way, by both being a paid or free subscriber. I hope my message above will have given you a better insight into quite how important your support has been. I love the model of Substack, where each individual subscriber pays a small-ish amount per month, but as a collective, it can make a big difference to a small creative person like me (well, I am 5 foot 7, but you see what I mean!). And it gives me a wonderful corner of the internet to create my very own creative space to play, explore and share with you all. So thank you!
Two:
I have created a discount for the New Year - get 25% off paid subscriptions by clicking below. I just want to say, this is not a poorly described marketing post. It was written with pure authentic energy. But I think you all know how much paid subscriptions mean to me, so if you have been on the fence, and a discount is helpful, then I would so appreciate your support. One of my goals this year is to tend to and nurture my Substack, and so you will be subscribing to something I will be dedicating lots of loving creative energy to this year!
three:
As a HUGE THANK YOU to all my current paid subscribers, and to make up for the lack of paid posts this month, here is a Sketchbook look-through video from back in May 2022. It is from the months just after graduating from the MA, and includes some (pretty rough, admittedly) sketches from Bologna, and includes quite a few sketches from my #50dayproject. I haven’t watched back (fully, I have scrolled) - I hope it’s not too cringe! (It’s brand-new to my Substack - and previously shown on my Patreon. I’m hoping it will be brand new to most of you, or at least a nice forgotten replay!)
I’m hoping I don’t get a vulnerability hangover after posting this! Please leave a comment or like it if you have found it helpful! Ultimately, my goal with Substack is to create a supportive community for creatives, like myself, that takes a look behind the curtains of the slick soft focus lens that we are often presented by social media. I want what I write and show here to be real and authentic to me, for better or worse, which is the pledge I made to myself when I started this Substack. So please do let me know in the comments whow it resonates for you - I really love to get comments.
Until next time and with love!
Ella xx