Practice and practicing

how I've helped my post holiday intentions stick

Recently, I have been trying to make some changes after bringing back loads of good intentions from my holiday. 

Doing the band pic on holiday!

Of course, this is something I have done before; gone on holiday, had loads of revelations about how I should be living, tried to change, changed for a bit, then… slowly returned to normal. Who knows, maybe each time things did change a bit? Perhaps that is one of the ways we slowly but surely grow and change with the years? Maybe, maybe not. But I do know that, despite similar revelations on previous holidays, I still haven’t found a regular exercise regime; I work too hard without breaks; I watch too much TV; don’t make enough time for reading… the list goes on. But this time…. This time I feel a renewed sense of optimism because I have a new strategy: practice. 

It was something the doctor said to me at a recent appointment, but I had been pondering it for a while. Let me take you back for a minute if you will…

I made an appointment because of two pains I was having. One I suspected was an RSI in my arm, and the other was a pain I’ve been getting in my hip. I won’t go into my long history of painful hips, but I do indeed have a long history of painful hips and have seen countless physiotherapists and doctors¹.

Back to the doctors… he said two things: 1. it is an RSI in my arm², not surprising I suppose, given I have been drawing and painting for a year on two books at once, and suggested exercises to do and a referral to a physiotherapist. 2. for the hips, more exercises.

I have been given countless exercises by physiotherapists in the past, and no matter how good my intentions are when I am with the physio, and even for a few weeks afterwards, I slowly peter off and before long, I am failing to do any of the things that I have been told will help with the very real pains I am having. It’s one of those things that I have decided is a non-negotiable (and frustrating) part of me: I am crap at consistency. Short bursts - oh yes! I am brilliant at those. But slow and steady, no sir, not me.

So I said (whined) to the doctor: I’m so crap at doing exercises that I know are good for me and he basically said: you need to practice these things.

It really hit home. I really felt it. You know sometimes someone says something that just really taps into where you are right at that minute? A bit of a lightning bolt. It felt like weird, spooky timing, as I had been thinking a lot about practice and practicing since returning from holiday. The sort of thinking that you keep coming back to as you fall asleep; do the washing up; have a shower. I had decided that the way I was going to keep up these post-holiday habits was by practicing doing them. And somehow, this time I felt really energised and buoyed by this concept.

As I say, there are certain things I have tried to change about myself for years - a tendency to rush from one thing to the next; a lack of exercise regimen; working with an unhealthy focus and intensity that can be very draining. I’ve been doing some coaching recently, and this has been a common theme. I call it finding space around the edges - instead of backing everything I do up against the next thing, leaving me drained and like an empty, but once-filled-up balloon, I want to just let a bit of air out, like a small, but happy enough balloon! (Where did that metaphor come from??).

And somehow I came to the idea of practice. On holiday, I found myself thinking about the idea of an art practice, perhaps because I had had a bit of a hiatus from drawing on location before the holiday, and it felt so good to be doing it again (I wrote about it in one of my recent posts).

When I came back to art in my thirties, (after a fairly hefty break since I had graduated back when I was twenty-one), I was so concerned with whether my drawings were good or not, it meant that I struggled to actually make regular art. I guess I had lost a lot of confidence, and I felt that if I was a good artist I would be able to just start drawing again, and pick up where I left off.

this drawing stands out for me. I made it about 10 years ago I think, and I remember feeling SO tentative, like the paper might catch fire if I breathed too hard!

I was rusty. Very rusty. And it took patience, and lots and lots of practice to begin to pick it up again. And then I did an MA, and practiced more, and I drew more and more, and slowly I began to realise that rather than being good, what was much more helpful was to feel fluent. What you want, when you’re making work, is to be able to pick up a pen/pencil/paintbrush, and to be reflecting on what you did last time, adapting things that didn’t feel right, following your instincts about what worked last time. When I am drawing regularly, my instincts are sharper, I can sense where I want to go next, I feel less hesitant. That’s not to say that everything I do is good, but that’s not the point. Well, not how I see it any more. It is about having a regular art practice and the more you do it, the easier it is.

this drawing stands out because I remember feeling really in flow when I made it. I was just enjoying the colours, the energy, making a mess and trying things out.

So when it came to my post-holiday good intentions, I was thinking of the word practice. I was thinking: I can change, I just need to see it as practice. And then (spooky!) the doctor said to me that I had to practice - that simple - and for some reason, this time I really believed him.

These are two ways I have been practicing making some changes:

Taking a lunch break.

I won’t lie, it’s been hard. I tend to want to eat (quickly) and rush back to work, but this time, I’m telling myself that it’s natural to feel that pull back to work, that desire to rush, but this time I am practicing getting better at it. It means that when I feel that impatience, I think: well, I’m just not very good at doing this yet. I have created a few clever caveats to help me too. I have decided that things that are adjacent to work as activities are allowed. For example, I wrote and edited some Substack pieces and videos last week during my lunch break. I decided that my rule was to take a break from the painting table, rather than from my whole studio.

Cooking and food (and finishing work on time)

Again, I always have the intention to do a proper food shop, plan the meals, and cook proper evening meals, but often, it gets to the weekend, and I am unprepared, I decide to just buy some random stuff, and improvise over the week. Reader: this never works. I end up spending twice as much, not eating the random stuff, and buying pizza at least once. But I am determined to change this! So for the last few weekends, I have set aside half an hour (just half an hour, how crazy is it to feel too impatient for that!?) and taking the time to choose meals for the week (I am loving the one pan books by Rukmini Iyer at the moment) writing a list of ingredients, and then they get added to the shopping list. Then, every day at six pm it is time to stop work, and I have been making that hour of cooking into a relaxing moment in the day - a bit of space around the edges. I put on a podcast, and get into the relaxed flow of cooking. It always feels so rewarding, and then we all feel more inclined to eat around the table, rather than gobble pizza in front of the tv. If I feel tempted to go back to the easy option, it has genuinely been helpful to remind myself that I need to practice making this a habit, and if I do, it might actually become a habit!

And do you know what? I feel hopeful this time. I feel like I might be able to change things because when I think I am practicing it seems to work as the course corrector I need and keeps me on track.

Will I become a slow and steady, consistent person? Finally take up regular exercise? Probably not, but I am going to allow myself to believe that it’s possible. Possible with practice! Wish me luck!!

What do you think? I’d love to know if you have any advice for how you make changes stick. Have you ever tried to practice like this? Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to hear!

1. The diagnosis was eventually myofascial pain syndrome. Long story, I will save you from it!

2. called Ulner Nerve Syndrome